i don't really know how to feel anymore. i just want to feel numb. i want to feel nothing at all. everything going on around me is chaotic. i feel like i can't do anything about it. well, i can't, but sometimes i wish i could. i'm trying really hard to keep my cool but i can't. i wish i could run away sometimes, and never come back. the only problem is that i'm afraid. afraid of everything. i'm never going to be the person i am trying so hard to be. i'm never going to please anyone or myself. i just feel like a failure. i feel like sleeping and crying all day but i'm not allowing myself to do so because i don't want to seem weak. i don't need that right now. this is a stupid post.